Things I’m Thinking Lately

I feel immensely alone.

A chasm. A void. Nothing is good. It’s all gone.

I want to wake up from the nightmare.

I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I just want to dream.

All the color is gone. The world is gray scale.

I forget what’s happened, then I remember.

I wish I could stop crying.

I wish I could go home and not feel sick.

I made a mistake.

I regret everything.

I don’t want to eat (but I have to)

I don’t want to do this.

How is this supposed to make me happier?

Things were actually getting better, why did I do this?

Don’t think about anything happy that happened (still does)

I can’t listen to that song. Or that one. Actually, I can’t listen to any music at all. It all hurts.

I don’t even want to hear MCR, please no.

Fiona Apple made me cry so I hard I threw up. Twice.

Nothing tastes good.

I feel sick.

I feel numb.

Why did I do this?

It’s raining. I want to go home. I want to watch Adventure Time.

Every time I close my eyes  I see how happy he was last summer. In the pool. The sun was bright. His smile was brighter.

I want it to go away. It hurts. It’s been hurting for so long to see it. I can’t stop seeing it.

Why?

Why couldn’t things be different?

I want it to be OK.

I wish it was OK.

It’s not his fault. It’s not my fault. I just wish it was better.

I wish he was happy. I wish he could be happy. I wish I could help.

I wish.

I wish.

Please.

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