I feel immensely alone.
A chasm. A void. Nothing is good. It’s all gone.
I want to wake up from the nightmare.
I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I just want to dream.
All the color is gone. The world is gray scale.
I forget what’s happened, then I remember.
I wish I could stop crying.
I wish I could go home and not feel sick.
I made a mistake.
I regret everything.
I don’t want to eat (but I have to)
I don’t want to do this.
How is this supposed to make me happier?
Things were actually getting better, why did I do this?
Don’t think about anything happy that happened (still does)
I can’t listen to that song. Or that one. Actually, I can’t listen to any music at all. It all hurts.
I don’t even want to hear MCR, please no.
Fiona Apple made me cry so I hard I threw up. Twice.
Nothing tastes good.
I feel sick.
I feel numb.
Why did I do this?
It’s raining. I want to go home. I want to watch Adventure Time.
Every time I close my eyes I see how happy he was last summer. In the pool. The sun was bright. His smile was brighter.
I want it to go away. It hurts. It’s been hurting for so long to see it. I can’t stop seeing it.
Why couldn’t things be different?
I want it to be OK.
I wish it was OK.
It’s not his fault. It’s not my fault. I just wish it was better.
I wish he was happy. I wish he could be happy. I wish I could help.