Floppy Horror Picture Blows

In the spirit of my favorite holiday, I’m going to bitch about the atrocity that is the new Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Let’s not pussy-foot this bitch; it’s time to dive right on in.
This show didn’t disappoint me in what they did do, but in what they could have done with it. The stakes could have been raised.
The original RHPS pushed boundaries, celebrated insanity and weirdness, embraced satire, and seemed hopeful to offend many. Would it not follow that the new one should have upped the ante? The old RHPS is not as disturbing and shocking now as it was back then, although still quite out there, but now it’s much more accepted as the norm.
Wouldn’t it logically make sense, then, that the new one should push today’s boundaries? It should be more vulgar, more outrageous. Or perhaps, it could have at least stayed the same, untouched as a classic, recreated simply as an homage or reiteration. But if anything, it was much more mild than the original, almost Disney-like.
The only aspects that were wonderful were Laverne’s portrayal of today’s FrankNFurter, the inclusion of multiple races… And that’s it. I’m more than grateful to see those aspects applied, which certainly should be applied to a remake of such a boundary-pushing film, but if everything else gets stripped from it or watered down, then we’re still not really going anywhere. We’re just switching out one boundary-pusher for another, and that’s a little disappointing when it’s THE Rocky Horror Picture Show. It should include as many as possible.
My point is, let’s bring it all in. Let’s flaunt diversity, the inclusion of actual trans people and varying sexualities, but let’s also promote kinks, fetishes, and the genuine intimacy of all these beautiful humans.
That, and the direction of this was just awful. I get that they were going for the corny style of the old one, but you could tell they were trying too hard. Janet and Columbia were kind of a mess that made me cringe, rather than laugh. Unlike Susan Sarandon and Little Nell’s portrayals, which were done well enough to be funny but not overly cheesed up, these new girls missed the mark. I don’t know if that’s because of their director, or just them.
Either way, their performances were like the sun; I can’t keep my eyes on it for too long without feeling a burning sensation and eventually achieving blindness.
Also, there was absolutely nothing good about tweaking the original composition of the musical. Leave the music alone, it was already perfect.
Lastly, how dare they nix Eddie’s saxophone solo?
My outrage lies primarily and firmly with that last horrifying omission.

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