Coming Out (in a different way)

Yesterday was National Coming Out day, and I’ve never posted anything about my sexuality for it because most people know who and what I am. I don’t hide it, I’m open about it. I’m a pretty open person in general, I don’t feel the need to hide much at all, and I try to keep it that way. I like being able to relate to as many people as possible, and I’m just not ashamed of who I am. I think that being open helps others to be themselves around me, and I like that.

There are very few things I keep to myself, and not because I’m embarrassed by those few things, but because I simply don’t see the purpose in sharing them.

There’s actually only two things I keep under wraps (usually). One of those two things is my spirituality.

I’m very private about that. I might mention some vague, generalized aspects of my beliefs, but nothing more.

I only recently slurred out a shaky overview of my beliefs to my boyfriend while we were both drunk, and everyone was talking about religion, and he asked me. Otherwise, no one has ever known what exactly it is I believe in.

People just know that I have a familial and cultural background as a Jew, that two generations ago was converted to Catholicism (although my mother is now officially Methodist after an agnostic journey in her youth), and that I observe some Jewish holidays but also believe in Christ. It’s confusing and hard to explain, so I usually just leave it at that, if I even say that much.

So, for post-coming-out day, I’m actually going to push myself and share my beliefs rather than my sexuality.

Here goes, and in no particular order:

I believe that the Holy Spirit and Mother Nature are the same entity. That being said, yes, I believe that the Holy Spirit has a primarily female presence.

I refer to ((what people consider the main)) god as “Yahweh,” the Jewish name.

I refer to the entire trinity, as a whole, as just “God,” and see it as agender.

When seeking spiritual protection from possibly demonic entities and situations, I call upon the Holy Spirit and Christ, and trace invisible crosses into my palms.

I believe in the power of both scientific fact and faith, and that God created everything on a scientific level, which includes the process of evolution and adaptation for survival. I literally see God as the greatest scientist.

I personally feel God’s presence strongest through nature, especially the Holy Spirit’s. The more raw and untouched the land, the stronger my connection for genuine introspection and meditation.

I frequent rivers, creeks, and springs to recharge my soul, rebalance my mind, and to reflect and let go of tired portions of my past.

I believe in very old Judaic and Old Testament references to stones/crystals/gems and their individual meanings and properties (and minor abilities). I believe that one can foster positive mental/emotional/spiritual connections with these stones and crystals, which in turn serve as a sort of physical, anchored connection with God. I think of them like tokens or talismans, each representing an aspect of the body, mind, and soul, and that there is genuinely some kind of biological science working behind it all.

BUT I still believe in the importance and power of modern medicine, because it all comes from God and all has God’s divine mark of creation.

I believe in the utmost importance of seeking knowledge, and to continuously improve myself over time intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I believe in pursuing academia, to learn what we don’t know, to study what we don’t understand, and to discover what we can’t see or find.

I believe that having the desire and will to educate ourselves is one of the greatest compliments to God because we are eager to learn as much about God’s (and our) world as possible.

I believe that prayers and blessing are technically spells, that the Bible is no different in its purpose than a Wiccan’s spellbook.

I believe that music is the direct language of the soul, that it is as close to God’s voice that we will ever know, and that every soul (person) on this planet connects with one another, their divinity, and this Earth through music. I am nearly entirely inspired and motivated by music, and it is the most important foundation of my spirituality next to nature. I believe that everyone should have some background in music, should understand and appreciate it, and should be encouraged to listen to and learn as much about it as possible. It is entirely transporting, and I have a profound respect for those who diligently make and share their soul’s messages with the rest of us (referring here to composers and musicians). I have believed that ever since I can remember. However, I don’t believe that anyone who doesn’t write their own music is less than those who do.

Seriously though, some of my most intense and insane spiritual experiences were through music. In fact, a large amount of my life decisions were made through epiphanies I had while listening to music.

I honestly believe that you can’t fully know someone to their core until they share their music with you (whether it be their own or written by someone else, it still speaks to them, and it is still a part of them). I believe that the mutual sharing of music with someone fosters a relationship and connection deeper and stronger than romantic sex.

I believe that everyone experiences and fosters their connection with their version of God independently, and that it probably should be that way. I would never want to alter or negatively influence someone’s spirituality or perceived lack thereof in any way. Everyone should be allowed to develop their beliefs privately and personally as they see fit, and I feel that I have no right to judge or sway them.

I am not evangelical, and personally do not care for evangelism, although I wouldn’t ever attempt to stop someone else from their evangelical practices. But that is primarily why I don’t talk about my beliefs. I feel like it falls under the realm of evangelism at times. Again, personally it’s not for me, but I have no qualms with people who pursue it happily.

I do not and will not apply the term “religion” to my beliefs, nor do I adhere to any specific religion. There are portions, practices, and aspects of multiple religions that I feel relate to my personal view of  God and Christianity, and have adopted them, but I do not appreciate labeling myself with any specific religion all together. I respect all religions and those who adhere to them, and certainly have no disdain towards anyone who feels they should be in one specific religion. It just isn’t for me, but I appreciate seeing others happy with their religions. I simply don’t care for using that term for my beliefs.

I believe animals have souls. Maybe they aren’t exactly like ours (not better or worse, more or less, simply different).

Finally, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

Those are the basics.

For most of this, I can’t explain my beliefs or why I have them. I just… Feel it and know it. I have no desire to prove my beliefs, they work for me and I live happily with them. I have had most of these beliefs since I was a little kid, and until now have never been very vocal about them.

I probably still won’t be conversing about them anytime soon (I guess unless someone close to me is genuinely curious).

So there’s that.

Also, happy Yom Kippur! L’shanah tovah!


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