I could talk about how stressful everything has been for the past few days, and how difficult everything is about to be soon (maybe), but what’s the fun in that?
Instead, I’d rather jump my own ass about how I say “everything is stressful lately” and “everything is terrible.”
I mean, fuck it, that’s just not the case. Not everything is stressful, hard, or terrible. Most of it isn’t even half bad.
Yes, some things are going to be hard, but it’s nothing I haven’t experienced before. If anything, I’m a lot more resilient to these things and have developed an ability to muck through life’s shit a little better than before.
It’s all a part of life’s experiences, the very same ones I enjoy writing about constantly.
Like right now, for instance.
How bad can life be, really? Just now, I pegged a spider of unsettling size with my flipflop.
In my boyfriend’s home.
Oh, I am truly the fiercest of protectors. I keep him all kinds of safe (although he doesn’t know it because he’s in the next room doing musical things).
See? These are good things.
My life is full of them.
I genuinely felt stifled by all the possible bad things weighing me down, and stifled in a way that I felt less than I am. I felt like a failure, like I wasn’t the independent badass I had worked so hard to become.
That stings a little to write out loud.
But I am no less than I was before. I haven’t lost a part of me, or become a dependent child, I just have to work a little harder again, perhaps with the help of others who offer. Perhaps not.
As I said before, this isn’t the first time I’ve struggled by far.
At this point, I hope it’s not the last.
I believe humans don’t do well when they get too comfortable, and stagnation is something I hope to avoid.
We never get used to change, but that’s good too. We shouldn’t become overly familiar or comfortable with anyone or anything, because we’re putting ourselves in a place of permanent, irreparable damage when we do.
We plan too much for everything and forget to prepare as best we can instead.
Plans fall through constantly, everything changes on the daily (however minuscule at times) and our known comforts will always shift depending on… Well, depending on everything.
But if we do what we can to prepare for whatever is out there, then we can take the damage with a little less clean up.
I’m not sure that made the sort of sense I was hoping to convey.
I know what I meant, and right now, that’s what matters.