I gave myself an evening to recenter, which is something I do a couple times every week, but something deeper persisted with this one.
Earlier, I sold my guitar. My first guitar, from high school, which promoted my musical background. I tried not to think about it, but sometimes we attach so much to little objects. I suppose it seemed as though I gave away my teenage dreams of making music with that guitar, but past that I realized it’s not the case by far.
Of course not. In fact, I’ve been delving back into music again more than I have in years. I simply didn’t need that guitar, and the money I got from it would only promote my livelihood and everything I love to do even more.
It’s not that I can’t continue writing music when I sold that guitar, it just means I’m not much of a guitarist.
And honestly, I’m not.
There’s a stark difference between giving up dreams and admitting a fact. Today was simply a small admission. That’s all.
I found a book today. It’s by Neil Gaiman, a great writer and Amanda Palmer’s husband.
By now everyone should know how much Palmer has inspired me, and how Neil Gaiman has slowly crept his works into my life as well.
His book, The View from the Cheap Seats, is so far marvelous. I didn’t realize how much I connected with him as a writer. Of course, I should have. All writers bleed from the same vein.
I’ve spent half of tonight listening to Amanda Palmer’s old albums, and now Counting Crows wails harmonically.
Counting Crows played as a soundtrack to my earliest works. They communicate directly from the soul and resonate intimately with my own.
Neil Gaiman’s rapture in truth mixes pleasantly with Adam Duritz’s honest pain.
I feel grounded and excelled. And hey, I wrote a blog too. It’s been a while.
Best yet, this night does not end here. Soon I will toss myself back into the world. I am prepared. I am eager, but with a quiet stillness.
It’s hard to recall how much I depended on the negativity before. As though all I could see was how horrible everything was.
That didn’t change. Nothing stopped being awful.
But I changed how I would react to it.
And chose to see the goodness in addition to the bad. It is there. Who are we kidding?
Here I realized, it’s all just a part of life, and how cool is it that I get to experience that?
Good or bad or both, thanks for it all.
Be honest with yourself, what do you see?
Let me remind you, before you answer that, honesty and severity are in no way equal.
There is good, too.