I was asked recently what is my idea of a perfect date. As trite and ridiculous as that question is, I had a few answers, but the more I thought about it the more I decided to post this shit for literally no reason.
I mean, who gives a shit what my ideas of perfect dates are? Like really, who the fuck cares?
I care. I give a shit. So fuck you.
I had a few dates thought out actually, dates that I would set up and ask the guy out on.
I don’t subscribe to any one kind of date. I have diverse tastes and likes, so I have a lot of things I’d like to do with someone. Imagine that, I’m a complex human being with different interests. Oh no.
I have begun every paragraph so far with “I” statements. What an asshole.
Anyway, here goes:
A day at Barns and Noble, browsing book sales, records, and comics. Picking out a few good reads, head to the in-store cafe, drink coffee, eat cheesy breads, read the comics and swap, and have all the superhero talk.
Spend a day wandering around downtown Hot Springs, get some brewery beer, pop into the bakery and the chocolate shop, have too much ice cream, make fun of other couples, ogle all the expensive but cool shit in Earthbound, drink more, make fun of other couples too loudly, slink away from the now-angry couples, and split a huge plate of seasoned fries at Fat Jack’s.
Stay home and pop on one of the greatest films to ever grace our planet, Kingsmen, and get way too turned on during the church scene where Collin Firth fucks that place up. Mm.That’s like top five best chunks of cinematography right there. Talk about Netflix and chill. Cover me in pie and call me Mrs. Edward.
Each pick a favorite meal that we want to share with each other, grocery shop together, cook each other these fabulous feasts, and settle in with good food and start up a Back to the Future, Final Destination, Terminator, RoboCop, or Stark Trek (both old and reboots) movie marathon.
Spend hours taking on missions together in Guild Wars or ranking up in League of Legends, or whatever the fuck we want to play together especially if it’s Super Nintendo or N64 with endless snacks and constant bullshitting.
Concerts. Especially when they’re at bars. Get shitfaced at a concert together, laugh way too much, possibly start a fight and leave immediately, park somewhere secluded, have a drunk bang, and drive back hungover the next day. But get Waffle House first. Always Waffle House. ALWAYS.
Weekends camping out at various kickass locations throughout Arkansas. Set up the tent, cookout like a boss (I make the most Skyrim-y dinners over the fire), swim, hike, chill, drink late into the night, and fight a bear together. Once we defeat the bear, this is prime time to pull out the first “I love you.”
Stock up on all our favorite fandom merch together at Hot Topics. Spend too much money and cry about it on the way home. Cry into our new band tees and gamer shit. At least we’ll be broke together.
Immediately contact each other when a new movie reboot, favorite series sequel, or kickass looking movie in general is announced to hit theaters and make it a date asap. (I’m currently looking for takers interested in Independence Day and the newest Purge)
Find weird but neat little events on Facebook and check that shit out. Coffee tasting event with a burlesque car wash? Let’s do it. Local metal bands to play at a gory documentary festival? On our way. A drink booze and paint event in an old art gallery? You had me at drink booze.
Watch favorite shows together. Binge the latest Daredevil season, meet up Sunday nights for the new Game of Thrones, yell at the TV during Walking Dead like it’s the playoffs and your favorite team is just wrecking it.
Go to parties, talk to drunk fuckers, talk endlessly, but relish in the fact that we both have our own little party going on together. A party within a party. Partyception.
Since Halloween is my favorite holiday, I need someone to get crazy into it with me. Like you need to be thinking about your costume months before October. Yes to couple costumes, but not this cutesy shit. Be the Mrs. Lovett to my Sweeney Todd, I’ll be the Polaris to your Havoc. Columbus and Tallahassee (yes Zombieland), Jon Snow and Ygritte (gender swapped), or just do a similar theme together. Fuck it, you got characters from two different fandoms that you like? Let’s put ’em together, they’re a thing now. And dressing up for the public Rocky Horror viewings is a must. As well as playing all the Halloween movies in the background throughout the day of. And Van Helsing.
Some days, you will come home and I will be in your house with a super soaker or a nerf gun, or perhaps a nerf sword. Find your weapon and let’s do this trial by combat, motherfucker.
Spend a day watching our favorite comedians together.
Game Grumps marathons. That’s mandatory.
Go to each other’s favorite shops together at least once (like for me, we’re hitting Churchill’s in Hot Springs. If you don’t smoke, that’s fine, but sit with me and play a game of chess with a beer if you don’t mind).
Torture and kill each other’s worst bullies/exes from high school or college and make a blood pact that if one of us goes down, we both go down together in a blazing glory of bullets.
That last one can be optional, but I greatly recommend it.
Start the zombie apocalypse.
So there we go. Feel free to try any of these ideas for your own dates. I strongly suggest the zombie apocalypse.