There Is No Bad Hair (Except Full-on Buzz-cuts)

My hair is a new color… Again.

I’ve received many compliments already, but I must tell the truth. This “brilliant” (and in all honestly fucking weird) coloring job is not the well-thought-out, intentional piece of art that many people think it is.

It’s truth time, y’all.

Upon intense scrutiny in my bathroom mirror (a regular, frequent exercise in my daily life), I discovered yesterday that my blonde cannot be coated in brunette dye for long; my roots were showing.

It wasn’t too noticeable, but I also realized that in general the brunette was fading except for the very ends. However, instead of going to Wal-Mart in my pajamas to purchase the cheapest “espresso” shade like the little white trash chippy I am, I was too lazy to even do that.

So I perused through my collection of colorful hair dyes from drunk parties past.

Sadly though, most of my dyes were meant for blonde hair, like rose pink and lavender. Then I found it, the dreaded peacock-teal dye that was so powerful that even after three platinum bleachings it still wouldn’t fade out completely.

Thus, my latest punky shaved head style (and no, not fully, I’m not as magical as Sinead O’Connor to pull that off)… Because fuck that, I’m not going to deal with sickly mint green (and slightly melted) hair.

I coated my roots in teal, which transitions nicely into a dark brunette and it looks all right. Kind of reminds me of that teal-emerald shimmer in a Rhode Island red rooster’s tail feathers.

The point is, I realize that the majority of my hairstyle choices have primarily been based on sheer laziness.

Cut my hair short in high school because I didn’t want to deal with it.

Grew it out the first couple years of college because I didn’t want to deal with getting it cut every other month.

Shaved it because the teal dye was too fucking strong and I remembered how much I hate long, brick-thick hair.

Shaved it shorter so I wouldn’t have to get it shaved as often.

And now my hair is teal and brunette because, again, I was too lazy to drive to Wal-Mart.

Jaysus fuck.





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