So about two nights ago my mania reached an all-time high; my racing thoughts erupting at their pinnacle and my unfortunate future roommate had to be on the receiving end of it. Now he is officially a part of the club to which all of my other friends have long since pledged their unwilling membership. With a “ping!” or simple buzz from their phones, my friends feel a familiar wash of “Oh dear God she is over-analyzing, jumping from one bit of over-concerned nonsense to the next, and trying to communicate all of this to me through essays worth of texts.” For the most part I think they find it entertaining, but I know it must annoy them on some level. And for that, I’m sorry.
With that being said, the next morning gave way to a complete 180 spun fast on its heel. Yes, the transition to depression has nearly taken its full effect now. My brain comfortably mulls over one train of thought for hours, not flitting from one thing to the next. It feels like a slow, unfolding blossom, each petal simply a related thought to the original stem. However, my body is constantly fighting me for speed-control, and I feel as though I’m constantly battling away a sticky fog. My irritability is rising with an ever-increasing unwillingness to do anything about it, thus bottling much of it up to be released through childish little fits later.
Ah, depression, come take full hold of me yet again. Thoughts have only turned slightly dark once today. Nothing more so far, but then again it’s only been the second or third day.
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has to put up with not only mania Emily but also depression Emily, but more so thank you for putting up with the transitions. They’re the worst of all.