Over a week ago my fiance and I decided to call it quits. For now. Maybe forever, we’re simply not sure. It was sad, it’s been a bit rough, and if either of us think about it too much then a case of heartbreak sets in for a moment too long. However we knew it was time to take a step back and reevaluate who we are and where we are in life.
Although I’m happy with where I’ve come in life because it’s what I have fought for-it is proof of my survival thus far-but I know I simply cannot grow properly into a relationship without recognizing that I have not grown in the way I feel called. I need to improve myself on my own before I can continue to improve with another so closely. It’s not fair to him nor is it fair to me.
Having been thrown off course due to issues with our family throughout college and having to abruptly figure out how to live on our own so early on in our relationship because of these issues was not the best way to start a relationship. We survived together and did immensely well. We love each other more than anyone else. We are each other’s closest and best friend. But we have both been given a chance, and calm time of leeway, to finally regain and improve in the ways we absolutely need.
I need to finish regaining my license. Almost there but not yet. I am going to procure a higher paying job with more hours. I’m also going to look into getting my own car. Since I have so few to rely on other than my best friend, I know it’s time to regain that self reliance I once had. I don’t know precisely when and where I lost it, but somewhere along the road of immense stress and terrifying circumstances I became too comfortable residing in my best friend’s care, just as he did with me in a different way. We both need to become self reliant even if it’s in different ways.
Once we achieve much of what we have set out to do, we will revisit the topic of our engagement. As a friend said to me to put our situation simply, “I need to work on a me before I can work on an us.”
There is my little update. Onward to improvements.