When Bipolars…

This time on When Bipolars:

*dramatic music*

When bipolars become exhausted from a day’s worth of forced mental conformity due to working within the public, they become extremely exhausted by nightfall and wish to retire to bed early. When denied their long-needed sleep, their brains sink into a state resembling drunkenness, remembering a blurred state of agitation, unwarranted pissiness, and utter absent-mindedness. 

Observe the account of this bipolar, Ms. Bitchpolar:

No for real though. When I get so exhausted and it’s past my regular bedtime, plus being on naturally relaxing medication to prevent myself from causing destruction during my manias plus self-harm during my depressions, I’m basically to a nearly wasted point. Or as I like to pronounce it, vaysted.

I can get super grouchy, ridiculously pissy, and off-handedly jump people’s asses in a grumbling, irritable badger sort of way. I hardly realize I’m doing it at the time, or that what I’m doing is uncalled for. Usually I know when I’m being unreasonably shitty to people, I just don’t care. But during these exhausted-sleepy-drunken moments, I have no earthly idea that I’m being overly douchey.

Furthermore, I have hard time remembering these little piss-fit episodes the next morning until someone reminds me or it suddenly bursts into my head hours later.

I’m not talking about when someone has had only three hours of sleep for the past several nights, or no sleep at all for over 24 hours. People tend to get pissy, irritable, and delusional during those times, of course. But what I’m pointing out is how I get that way, even delusional, after a regular day’s worth of work. If I’m even an hour past my bedtime, it gets weird for me and everyone else real quick. Again, it’s as though I’m drunk.

In short, my brain’s chemical imbalance don’t know how to handle sleepiness. When it’s done for the day, it’s done for the day and it will do anything possible to get my ass into bed whether I realize it or not. It refuses to go on any further.

To others this is not so much as offensive as it is funny. So luckily I’m not pissing off my friends and family; they realize what’s up and they just laugh at it. It makes me laugh too when I remember what happened. But last night took the cake when my brain realized that getting pissy wasn’t cutting it anymore, so it decided to completely drop the mic and take off, leaving me to figure out how to speak properly.

When pulling a tampon out of my backpack, I told my friend, “hey, here’s a condom.”

When spilling water all over some of my hand-written work, I tried to say, “thank goodness this was written in pencil.” Instead, I said, “thank goodness it’s all in pretzels.”

*Angrily searches for scissors in sewing kit, backpack, purse, crafts section, and general entirety of household. Finds them in plain sight on my art table.* I looked at them three times and continued believe they weren’t there and kept searching for them elsewhere.

*Drops the same fucking bobbin of thread FOUR times in the exact same way each time. Oh my God.*

I didn’t even realize I was saying or doing any of this, but my friend kept pointing it out. Ugh.

It was funny though.

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