I am overly amused by my recent update to my ‘About Me’ section. I swear, the AM sections to all profiles were made by and specifically for conceited, egotistical creeps like me. Especially those of us who enjoy having a crazy amount of stupid humor piled into it, so as to confuse the reader or just make them go away completely after the first couple of lines.
Can you stomach it? Here, give it a try! Let me share with you my goofy, mild insanity:
“Listen, half of my whatnot-ty works on my blog are meant to be laughed at, like a rambling rant from Ron White, Dane Cook, or Jenna Marbles. Thus, many of my blog posts that may initially come across as me being pissed off or enraged only means that I was for a little bit, but then turned it into a humorous avalanche of ARGH! It’s not for everyone, so stop trying to make it for you if it simply isn’t. Usually, my rants on paper are one of those “you shoulda been there’s,” because in person it’s much funnier… To some.
The other half will be some form of philosophical, usually psychological discussion, enlightenment, realization, etc. I love psychology, and discussing interesting aspects of life that I find interesting, whether or not you do is not in my list of priorities… Sorry.
And I use “…” more often then I should, but I’m feel there’s no other way to really convey to you my segue pauses… Like such.
All’s well that end’s well, right? What’s that? This didn’t end well for you? Oh, honey, I wasn’t talking about this little ‘About Me’ section ending well for you! I think it went well for me. I guess all you have left to do is click out of this tab and move on to more pressing matters. Like that facebook comment you’re eagerly waiting for someone to reply to, or your email… Which holds a lot of unread Justfab emails, facebook notifications, and those notices from porn-meet-up sites that you swear you never signed up for (we all know you did but logged out as soon as that site wanted credit card info).
Oh wait, sorry, that’s my email.
Well, have fun! Or don’t, don’t let me tell how to live your life!”*
So there it is, I didn’t bother editing it. I simply finished typing and pressed “SAVE DAT” without taking a second glance. Thus, to be fair, I continued to be lazy as I possibly could by also not editing it here as well. Yes, I’m making myself giggle. Hopefully you’re giggling or guffawing as well… Or shouting obscenities at this right now. Either way, I won’t know, but I will deeply, truly care.
That last sentence is what we call a lie. I will not care, but I will most certainly know.